life is like a maze, I Had That Same Dream Again

[derwent_f]

Title: life is like a maze

Fandom: また 同じ夢を見ていた | Mata Onaji Yume wo Mite ita | I Had That Same Dream Again

Characters: Minami-san, Abezure-san, Granny, Koyanagi Nanoka

Rating: G

Summary: sometimes you run into a dead end and have to turn back and find another way to get where you want to be.

Notes: Fill for the prompt 'The Pursuit of Happiness' on my ladiesbingo card.

Minami-san

 

She crumples her 27^th rejection letter and reminds herself that it’s okay, even famous authors get rejected too at first. Rejection is a fact of life for a writer, as the past couple of years have taught her.

It’s been a long day, though, and the sting remains as sharp. So she tries the breathing exercise her therapist taught her: four counts in, seven counts hold, eight counts out, again and again, but even that doesn’t work today.

Moments where the past reaches out its long, dark arms and tries to drag her back down underwater is getting rarer and rarer. But they’re still there, lurking around and biding their time, and like today, sneaks up on her.

There’s only one thing, or rather one person, that can help her fend them off.  She closes her eyes and thinks about Nanoka: that bright smile on her young, innocent face. The voice asking with genuine confusion isn’t Minami-san already a writer?  – the first time in a long while that someone had believed in her. Nanoka wouldn’t want her to give up, now or ever.

She inhales, opens her eyes, and smooths the paper. After her sixth rejection letter, she set aside one folder specifically for them. Into this folder goes her latest one. Then she sits down on her desk and opens a new page.

 

 

---

 

 

Abezure-san

 

She doesn’t quit sex work right away, of course. Instead, she spends the next seven months building up her savings and planning a meticulous escape plan.

Then, she moves to a seaside town, with blue sky that seems endless. The years spent trawling the streets at night has moulded her into a night owl, so she takes a bartender job in one of the few pubs in town. After her shift ends, she walks down to the beach and watches the sky gradually changes colours as the sun begins to rise. The view reminds her of a painting she saw once years ago, back when she was a child. Sometimes she wonders what happen to the boy who painted it. At this day and age, all she needs to do is to type his name into a search engine, but she doesn’t. In this life, this world, she’s had her chance.

There are two people whom she needs to look for, though. She doesn’t know if her parents have given up on her, or if they still wait for her in their home, but she’s made a promise: once she gets her life in order, she’ll go and find them. Every day is one step closer to that goal.

 

 

---

 

 

Granny

 

‘Kiryuu?’

‘Yes, it’s me, Nanoka. How are you? I’m so sorry for not calling you sooner – my daughter had a baby last month, and it’s been so chaotic here …’

A smile graces her lips as she listens to the man on the phone. It’s such a happy thing to see how Kiryuu’s life has changed.

The world sways dangerously for a split second. She reaches for the couch and carefully sits down. It’s been coming faster and faster now, and she knows her time is not much longer. She leans into the strength in Kiryuu’s voice and closes her eyes.

Some people may find her situation sad and pitiful: an old woman spending her last days alone without the comfort of family surrounding her.

But she can’t find it in her to mourn her life. It's true, what she said to Nanoka: she had no regrets at all. The universe works mysteriously, wonderfully, and the past few weeks when her world and little Nanoka’s collided are some of the best times she’s ever had. Somehow, she’s managed to correct a mistake, to help Nanoka make the right choice, and if that’s the only legacy she leaves behind, that’s more than fine to her.

‘… if there’s anything I can do? I’m really worried about you.’

She laughs a little. ‘Kiryuu, I’m perfectly fine. The only thing you can do to help is by finishing that painting so that I can see it while I’m still around.’

He laughs sheepishly and promises to do so. They say their goodbyes, and then the house returns to its habitual quiet.

 

 

---

 

 

Nanoka

 

Her wedding is a testament to how she’s changed from that defiant, lonely little girl. Hitomi-sensei sits with her parents and Kiryuu’s. It never occurred to them to seat her anywhere else.

All around her are smiling faces: their elementary school class, those from middle and high school, their university friends, her agent and publisher, Kiryuu’s fellow artists and the people from the galleries – everyone is there. At times she still can’t believe it, this rich, joyful life she gets to live, and the tears she sheds are as much due to the gratitude rising inside her as they are due to the happiness of being joined as one with her love.

She can’t help but wishes that Minami-san, Abezure-san, and Granny were there among the guests. Or at least for some way for her to tell them that she’s done it, that she’s corrected their mistakes, our mistakes.

But she knows that it’s impossible, that one miracle is more than she could ever ask for. So Nanoka comforts herself with the knowledge that Abezure-san is there every time she glances at the mirror, that Minami-san is there in the notebook she writes her stories in, and that Granny is there in the painting Kiryuu proposed to her with.

As she looks up at the bright blue sky above, she prays that they are as happy as she is.